Darwin awards

[Toybreaker]

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the honorable mentions:

 

 

 

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

 

 

 

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

 

 

 

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

 

 

 

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

 

 

 

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, he man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

 

 

 

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

 

 

 

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

 

 

 

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

 

 

 

******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****

 

 

 

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

[Wallrat]

definately some good ones. I've got the first 2 books, are others out yet?

[Banshee17Racing]

I wanna see the video of #7! Those were all pretty good.

[locogato11283]

are these true stories or made up stuff??

[Wallrat]

True stories. There's 3 books out:

Books

 

Website

[iceman]

lol i love the darwin awards. i have the first 2.

[Wallrat]

Few more:

 

(17 April 2005, Indiana) Late one night, 26-year-old Joseph was blazing down the road in the Chain O'Lakes district of Syracuse on his Yamaha moped. When he saw flashing lights in his rear-view mirror, well... with the wind whistling through his ears, he must have concluded that he could outrun a mere police cruiser. This hard-boiled candidate for the Heck's Angels revved his engine and roared off. The speedometer needle flashed past 10 mph...20...30...and within less than a minute, it was hitting the red zone at a blinding 40 mph.

But no matter how fast Joseph went, he was unable to shake the pursuing police officer from his tail. If only he had a spare JATO strapped to his machine! The two-stroke engine was buzzing like a hummingbird from the strain of the chase.

 

Was he thinking, "You'll never get me alive, copper!" as he sped through the intersection with County Road 800E? The answer will never be known. Joseph lost control of his would-be road rocket, crashed into a tree, and died instantly of massive head injuries.

 

 

(29 January 2003, Brazil) At work, Manoel Messias Batista Coelho was responsible for cleaning out the storage tanks of gasoline tanker trucks. He had been employed in that capacity for two months when he ran afoul of fuel.

The 35-year-old began to fill a tanker with water, a standard safety procedure that forces flammable vapor out of the container. He returned an hour later to check whether the water level was high enough to proceed. But he had trouble deciding, because it was so DARK inside the tanker.

 

A resourceful employee, Manoel forgot the very reason why he was filling the tank with water when he lit a cigarette lighter to shed some light on the situation. His little test successfully determined that the water level was NOT yet high enough for safety. The vapor explosion launched him through the air, and he landed in the company parking lot 100 meters away.

 

Manoel suffered severe burns, blunt force trauma, and an injury to the head that exposed his brain. Our witless car washer had learned his terminal lesson in safety by the time the firemen arrived.

 

 

(September 7, 2003, Cambodia) Khim, nicknamed "The Big Giant," was an intimidatingly large former military policeman when he went to the Phnom Penh home of a drug dealer to extort money and amphetamines. He was a much smaller man soon afterwards.

He pulled the pin from a grenade to threaten the dealer, who immediately decided to give him the items he demanded. Then Khim, who had been drinking, forgot to put the pin back before slipping the grenade into his pocket. He walked to his motorbike, well satisfied with the transaction. As he climbed aboard... the grenade exploded. Whether the drug dealer recovered his cash (and in what condition!) is unknown.

 

 

 

(7 March 2002, Colorado) When Gerald was pulled over by police for erratic driving, he decided it was better to flee from the stolen car on foot, rather than face possible jail time for a parole violation. This was the first of two successive mental lapses. Gerald's actual thoughts are unknown, but *may* have been something like this: "The officers are only suspicious and alert now... I'll make them hot, sweaty, tired, and angry by leading them on a wild chase through dark alleys and fields."

During the subsequent foot chase, Gerald attempted to dissuade officers from the pursuit by firing a 9mm Ruger semiautomatic handgun blindly over his shoulder. This was the second illustration of a potential mental deficiency. "Officers are running behind me. They have guns. I have a gun! They have eyes in the front of their heads, so they can see to aim at me. I don't have eyes in the back of my head, so I'll fire wildly behind me and see what happens!"

 

Unfortunately, Gerald appears to have been one of those folks who can't chew gum and walk at the same time. Or at least he couldn't flee and fire at the same time. While discharging the weapon over his shoulder, Gerald managed to shoot himself in the head with his own gun, bringing the chase to a sudden conclusion.

 

Four shots were fired, none by the officers, who found Gerald's pistol next to his fallen body. Gerald was transported to a local hospital where he expired the following day, thus removing a set of genes deficient in both judgment and coordination from the gene pool.

[NYUK]

they are great, the snow shoveling thing is a serious offense here in philly,everytime we have a blizzard that happens.parking spots in the city are at a premium.if you clear it in a blizzard it is yours, move someones trashcans or lawn chairs to park there you will have air conditioning in the winter.or worse than getting your windows broken out you could get shot or lumped the fugg up.

[Cotton eyed Joe]

they are great, the snow shoveling thing is a serious offense here in philly,everytime we have a blizzard that happens.parking spots in the city are at a premium.if you clear it in a blizzard it is yours, move someones trashcans or lawn chairs to park there you will have air conditioning in the winter.or worse than getting your windows broken out you could get shot or lumped the fugg up.

446875[/snapback]

Shit and I thought it was bad getting my parking spot swooped 3 times at Walmart last night.

[decon]

9 and 10 were hilarious

[FasterThanU90]

yah i love the darwin awards one of my teachers back in the day used to read em to us in class we couldnt get enuf of it

[bansheeryder_69]

THAT IS AWESOME

[Banshee~]

THAT IS AWESOME

447455[/snapback]

Ive got a good one.....

 

A kid that was looking to make a few bucks decided to take advantage of a good deal a fellow HQ member was going to give him. The kid planed on buying a swing-arm and then reselling it on ebay to make some money. The kid did not realize that the HQ member was selling it cheap to him because he was trying to help out a fellow HQ member. The guy that was selling it sent the kid a picture of the swing-arm so he could look at it before he bought it. The kid put it up on ebay before he had it and the guy that was selling it saw it. Then he posted a link of it on bansheehq.com and told everyone the story. Then everybody laffed at the kid for being a dumbass. The HQ members decided to bid up his ebay auction to 15,000 and then report him for selling something he dident have.