Tool Definitions!

[Rustbag]

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat

metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and

flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that

freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.

 

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under

the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and

hard-earned guitar calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you

to say, "Oh sh--...."

 

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their

holes until you die of old age.

 

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

 

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of

blood-

blisters. The most often the tool used by all women.

 

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor

touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

 

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board

principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable

motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more

dismal your future becomes.

 

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt

heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer

intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

 

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction

of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

 

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable

objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside

the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

 

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and

motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or

[FireHead]

I have something similair to that list that I give to newly hired shop folks in their orientation packet if it looks like they might have a sense of humor, :biggrin:

[Rustbag]

Yea I have seen some like this worded differently too. They're always funny cuz everyone has done at least one of those. ::

[racer]

the one about the ez out reminds me of snapping off taps. choosing the wrong tap drill has never been so fun.

[dajogejr]

Had a buddy that always tells this story...same lines.

 

Union Carpenter, apprenticeship school.

 

Teacher asked what a 1/4 inch was.

 

First student said it's a unit of measurement. Wrong.

Second one said it's more than 1/8 inch, less than 1/2 inch. Wrong.

Third one said, "1/4 inch, why it's close enough..."....CORRECT!!!

 

Always thought that was funny....

[NYUK]

hahahahaha, BELT SANDER. most are so true.

 

you forgot ice pick, the little sharp thingy i use to extract circlips from pistons, that magically sends them flying across my garage with a lil ping sound.

[dajogejr]

hahahahaha, BELT SANDER. most are so true.

 

you forgot ice pick, the little sharp thingy i use to extract circlips from pistons, that magically sends them flying across my garage with a lil ping sound.

 

 

Never to be seen again.

 

 

Or, into an open container of oil, coolant, gas...etc., no matter where in the garage it happens to be, it will find it.

 

:yelrotflmao:

[locogato11283]

haha nice...

[BenBB]

Hahaha that's priceless!!! :yelrotflmao: :yelrotflmao:

[Rustbag]

the clips always find there way in to the only available crevice into the bottom of the engine case.

[Mike_1978]

DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage

while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most

often, the next tool that you will need.

 

ahahahhhaa.. :yelrotflmao: :yelrotflmao:

[Animalman294]

Ain't that the truth............... :yelrotflmao:

[gipperz]

My favorite the Dammit tool. Never fails to kick my ass. ha ha

[Washburn]

:yelrotflmao: Ahhhhh thats good stuff

 

CRESENT WRENCH- The wrench often grabbed in place of a missing socket or for those hard to reach bolts that you end up stripping making it that much harder to reach. use all tools listed above to get to that one bolt.