here you go

[The Rebel]

Sugar Daddy

A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport.

It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness.

The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act.

For $100, the cabby agreed.

Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the Bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man. The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you.He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for your season Green Bay Packer Tickets. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!" Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?" The cabby said, "I'd cover his ass up with that blanket before he catches a cold!

[2strokesmoke]

[Animalman294]

Hell, I'd make him cozy too. I'd even throw in my wifes sister.........

[locogato11283]

ha good one...

[banshee04le]

LMFAO... Good one Rebel.

 

Here's another funny:

 

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, a

small cat jumps up on the stool beside him.

The bartender comes over, and asks for their order.

The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich.

What's yours?"

"I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich.

The cat says "I'll have a half beer, but I'm not paying for it."

 

The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please".

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

The next day, the man, ostrich and cat come again, and the man says "I'll

have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same," and the cat says

"I'll have a half glass of beer but I'm not paying for it."

 

Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the trio enter again.

"The usual?" asks the bartender.

"Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch" says the man.

"Same for me" says the ostrich. "I'll have a small scotch but I'm not

paying for it" says the cat.

 

"That will be $7.20" says the bartender.

Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on

the bar. The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir.

How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your

pocket every time?"

 

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and

found an old lamp.

When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my

hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there."

 

That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a

million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for

as long as you live!"

 

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact

money is always there," says the man.

 

The bartender asks "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich and the

cat?"

 

The man sighs, looks at the cat. Looks at the Osterich and replies "My second wish was for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy."

[sycoracer911]

lol good one boys

[gipperz]

[The Rebel]

LMFAO... Good one Rebel. 

 

Here's another funny:

 

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, a

small cat jumps up on the stool beside him.

The bartender comes over, and asks for their order.

The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich.

What's yours?"

"I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich.

The cat says "I'll have a half beer, but I'm not paying for it."

 

The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please".

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

The next day, the man, ostrich and cat come again, and the man says "I'll

have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same," and the cat says

"I'll have a half glass of beer but I'm not paying for it."

 

Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the trio enter again.

"The usual?" asks the bartender.

"Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch" says the man.

"Same for me" says the ostrich. "I'll have a small scotch but I'm not

paying for it" says the cat.

 

"That will be $7.20" says the bartender.

Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on

the bar. The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir.

How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your

pocket every time?"

 

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and

found an old lamp.

When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my

hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there."

 

That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a

million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for

as long as you live!"

 

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact

money is always there," says the man.

 

The bartender asks "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich and the

cat?"

 

The man sighs, looks at the cat. Looks at the Osterich and replies "My second wish was for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy."

519593[/snapback]

 

I know someone that would have those in a Wok faster than that cat could lick her ass....

[hittintrees srh]

[DIRTMAN350]

Good one guys. Glad to see we have some good jokes to read on here besides the usual who's faster than who and How much hosepower will i have if i do this.

[steveodo]

thats some funny shit LMAO