Lifes a Bitch , then you die

[The Rebel]

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money,

and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he

said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it

in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife

with me."

 

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he

died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

 

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting

there in black! , and her friend was sitting next to her. When they

finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the

casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"

 

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in

the casket.

 

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her

friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in

there with your husband."

 

The loyal wife replied," Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my

word.

I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"

 

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my

 

account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

[Dead Op]

[Hilarious]

Haha, good one.

I love these joke threads, kinda breaks up the monotony.

Hope ya'll dont mind, here's another.

 

Ewis walked into my office carrying a strange looking bottle.

"What

[gipperz]

Good jokes, thats the way to start a day, thanks guys.

[Cotton eyed Joe]

Well, at least he got to get away from the bitch. Dying seems to be about the only option these days.

[sp1tekiller]

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down.

 

The mom quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen, dresses quickly and goes to find him.

 

The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and dad doing?"

 

The mother replies, "Well, your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

 

"You're wasting your time." says the boy.

 

"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled?

 

"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up!"

[Dinner]

[DIRTMAN350]

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down.

 

The mom quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen, dresses quickly and goes to find him.

 

The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and dad doing?"

 

The mother replies, "Well, your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

 

"You're wasting your time." says the boy.

 

"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled?

 

"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up!"

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That's a good one.

[Hilarious]

"Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny, "can you give me twenty dollars?"

"Certainly not," she said.

"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."

His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money.

"Well? What did he say?"

"He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.'"

[Hilarious]

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

[The Rebel]

  Well, at least he got to get away from the bitch. Dying seems to be about the only option these days. 

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