PUSH THE THROTTLE Posted April 5, 2006 Report Posted April 5, 2006 I got these in an email today, I thought they were pretty good. These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters, who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18 th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8 th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh? ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. Quote
Banshee17Racing Posted April 5, 2006 Report Posted April 5, 2006 Wow. It never fails to amaze me how people can be so damn stupid. Quote
NYUK Posted April 5, 2006 Report Posted April 5, 2006 courtroom erupts in laughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote
Cotton eyed Joe Posted April 5, 2006 Report Posted April 5, 2006 ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? Was this guy one of Clintons attorneys? Quote
98bonerSTOCKshee Posted April 5, 2006 Report Posted April 5, 2006 sweet! Loco may need this lawyer soon!! Quote
Kayleigh Posted April 5, 2006 Report Posted April 5, 2006 wait....so people actually said that crap??? hahah! i love ppl. Quote
tithead Posted April 6, 2006 Report Posted April 6, 2006 hahaha twats GOD DAMMIT JAMES!!! you left it signed in as you,you fucking penis. It's ok,im aloud to insult him,i'm his brother. Quote
locogato11283 Posted April 6, 2006 Report Posted April 6, 2006 sweet! Loco may need this lawyer soon!! 497633[/snapback] haha no shit..i hope i get one of these guys... Quote
Kayleigh Posted April 6, 2006 Report Posted April 6, 2006 (edited) hahaha twatsGOD DAMMIT JAMES!!! you left it signed in as you,you fucking penis. It's ok,im aloud to insult him,i'm his brother. 498054[/snapback] hahahahaha i'm so blonde.....i was thinking "y the f*ck is james talking to himself??" Edited April 6, 2006 by Kayleigh Quote
racer Posted April 6, 2006 Report Posted April 6, 2006 mine favorite on goes something like: Lawyer: Were you and your borther sent to war? Man: Yes Lawyer: And which one of you died in combat? Quote
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