Anger management

[MDS2106]

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number & dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Joe. Could I please speak with Donna Carter?"

 

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right damned number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

 

When I tracked down Donna's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

 

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the "wrong" number again.

 

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" & hung up. I wrote his number down with the word "asshole" next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

 

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up & yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

 

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole" calling would have to stop. So, I called his number & said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID program?"

 

He yelled "NO!" & slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back & said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

 

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off & pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn & yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

 

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole too.

 

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

 

He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in front." I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is 'Don Hansen," I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

 

He said, "I'm home every evening after five." I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

 

He said, "Yes?" I said, "Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and & added his number to my speed dial too. Now, when I have a problem, I have to assholes to call.

 

Then I came up with an idea. I called asshold #1. He said, "Hello." I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up). He said, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah". He screamed, "Stop calling me!" I said, "Make me!"

 

He asked, "Who are you?" I said, "My name is Don Hansen." He said "Where do you live?" I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler. I have a black Beamer parked in front."

 

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

 

I said, "Yeah, like I'm so scared, asshole," & hung up.

 

Then I called Asshole #2. He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, asshole". He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." I said, " You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass," I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

 

Then I hung up & immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd in Fairfox & that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.

 

I quickly got into my car & headed over to Fairfax.l I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in fron of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter & surrounded by a news crew.

 

NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work!

Edited January 30, 2006 by MDS2106

[ironhead]

[floyd398]

I like that...good one

[speed_demon]

thats fuckin hilarious!!!

[Fox Girl]

NICE!!

[ogre03]

That's some funny shit right there!

[FasterThanU90]

wow that made my night i saw this done on film but it was a record store and a pizza place they had one guy in the record store witha small cam and one out side calling they just stood there like pussys yelling at each other