banshee04le Posted November 19, 2005 Report Posted November 19, 2005 Hey Crackhead Reply to: [email protected] Date: Sat Mar 27 15:36:01 2004 Yes, you. You sick fucker. On Wednesday morning I emerged from my girlfriend's building by U.N. Plaza to find that you had sawed the tops off both the sparkplugs on my motorcycle. At the time, I had no idea why anyone would do that. Other than the sparkplugs, the bike was untouched. Some kind of bizarre vandalism? A fraternity prank gone awry? I had no idea. All I knew is that I looked like a huge douchebag riding the Muni to work in a padded motorcycle jacket and helmet. Because the bike was immobilized I got a $35 street sweeping ticket that night. Thursday I had it towed to the shop ($45) where they replaced the sparkplugs and the boots ($50 including labor). They explained to me that "people" - I use the term loosely here - like you break off the tops of spark plugs and use the porcelain tubes to smoke crack. As an engineer and former MacGyver fan, in a way I think this is kind of cool. But then I remember that I just paid $100 for YOUR crackpipes, and I get angry again. Crackhead, it was really good to have my bike back though. I rode home from the shop with a couple of spare sparkplugs and a smile on my face. I figured the next time I parked at my girlfriend's place overnight I would have to buy some crackpipes and tape them to my bike as a peace offering. Overall, I wasn't that upset. Despite having to ride the bus for three days and dropping a hundred bones at the shop, I had gained some fascinating knowledge, a new set of sparkplugs, and a pretty funny anecdote about how fucked up you are, and how our paths once crossed briefly in the night. But you couldn't just let sleeping dogs lie, could you Crackhead. You couldn't just stay in on Friday, watch Letterman through the window of a home electronics store and then call it a night. You couldn't rest on your laurels. Two porcelain sparkplug crackpipes just wasn't enough for you, was it Crackhead? You just had to come back for more. This morning, a scant fifteen hours after I rode it out of the shop, I found my motorcycle violated once again. This time you only took the right one - maybe you were having an off night. At least this time I had a spare sparkplug and the tools to fix it - or so I thought - having ordered a 73-piece toolset from SEARS.com last week. But no, the sparkplug socket in my new toolset was for American sparkplugs. So I had to go down to the neighborhood Ace hardware. They had an 18mm socket that would fit over my sparkplug, but it was for a 1/2" drive ratchet. My toolkit only has 1/4" and 3/8" ratchets. So I had to buy a 1/2" ratchet along with the socket. Even though the clerk took pity on me and gave me the senior citizen discount (I'm 25) it still cost me $22 all told. Now, you might say that I should have just gotten a 3/8"-to-1/2" drive adaptor instead of springing for the whole ratchet. And to that I say "Shut the hell up, Crackhead, I'm not finished. And besides, I was eventually going to buy a 1/2" ratchet anyway so it's probably not worth it to take it back now." OK, now I'm rambling. But the point is, Crackhead, that you have done me wrong. Now, I get that you love crack. That is totally understandable. I've heard it is really fun, at first, and quite addictive. What I don't understand is, YOU ARE A CRACKHEAD. WHY DON'T YOU OWN A CRACKPIPE? I am an engineer. Do you ever see me shaking down bums in the Loin for a calculator and sliderule? No, you don't. Because engineering is the main thing I do, I went and bought myself a calculator. The main thing you do is crack. How do you get by without a crackpipe? The other crackheads must clown on you non-stop. I mean, the fucking saw you used to saw off my sparkplugs is probably worth five or ten bucks. Why not sell or trade it for a crackpipe? You really haven't put much thought into this, have you? Please, Crackhead, please don't tell me you sold your crackpipe to buy crack. Even a stupid crackhead such as yourself couldn't possibly be that stupid. I've decided that taping crackpipes to my motorcycle would be tantamount to appeasement. You have crossed a line, Crackhead - specifically California Street. You have come onto my own street and you have desecrated that which I hold dear. You have stolen from me, and you have caused me to spend the last half hour writing this post instead of engineering shit, and it is concievable, if not likely, that my boss could find out about this and fire me. I am hella pissed at you dude. Here are my options as I see them: 1. Write a note saying that I have coated both of my sparkplugs in rat poison and tape it to my bike at night. You can thank Tim for that one, it was his idea. 2. Don't write a note, but just coat both sparkplugs in rat poison. This is probably closer to a punishment that would fit your despicable crime. I'm sure this is super illegal and shit, but it's not like anyone is going to miss you, Crackhead. Don't fool yourself. 3. Wait in an alley near my bike armed with my new stainless steel mirror-finish Ace Professional brand 1/2" drive socket wrench, my 18mm sparkplug socket, and my searing rage. It's pretty heavy and well balanced. I am not a large man, but I am angry. In conclusion, Crackhead, why don't you just do both of us a favor and buy yourself a crackpipe? It will both enhance your crack smoking experience and save me a lot of time and felony assault charges. Think about it. Sincerely, Matt Quote
350TwinDeathBed Posted November 19, 2005 Report Posted November 19, 2005 (edited) Shame that this Crackhead won't hear your bitching, but yes it is a bitch that this happened to you. Edited November 19, 2005 by 350TwinDeathBed Quote
banshee04le Posted November 19, 2005 Author Report Posted November 19, 2005 Oh it didn't happen to me. I just ran across it on the web and thought it was kind of funny . I can't believe the dude had it towed to the shop and paid to have a couple of spark plugs installed though . Quote
Hilarious Posted November 19, 2005 Report Posted November 19, 2005 Yea.........them fuckin crackheads........and engineers too. They sumthin else, ain't they? Quote
dalegoldston Posted November 19, 2005 Report Posted November 19, 2005 He must have been a EE, they can design a circuit but not change a spark plug. Quote
dawarriorman Posted November 19, 2005 Report Posted November 19, 2005 He must have been a EE, they can design a circuit but not change a spark plug. 438918[/snapback] Thats what I was thinking, dude had to spend $100 to get new plugs? Hell, he deserved it then. Quote
NYUK Posted November 19, 2005 Report Posted November 19, 2005 been around all kinda fiends in my day and never heard that one, leave it to a crackhead to invent a spark plug porcelain crack pipe. Quote
iceman Posted November 19, 2005 Report Posted November 19, 2005 thats pretty funny. good luck takin down a crackhead though. even with a ratchet. Quote
Cotton eyed Joe Posted November 19, 2005 Report Posted November 19, 2005 He must have been a EE, they can design a circuit but not change a spark plug. 438918[/snapback] I've seen it first hand. My dads cousin is an electrical engineer. The fucker figured out how to watch satillite TV wink wink, and a bunch of other shit. Totally into HAM radio building all sorts of other electronic gadgets and do dahs, but he had to have my dad help him change the spark plugs in his car once. Once because my dad said he'd never help him again. Started out with him taking EVERY spark plug wire off of the plugs, making no note as to where they went. Then he took the hood off the car. I have no idea why. I was 15. Then he took all the wires off of the distributor. Finally he gets to taking the plugs out 4 hours later and by this time he's dripping with sweat and covered in engine grime. He eventually gets all the plugs back in, and asks the million dollar question to my dad who was busy working in the back yard machine shop, attempting to make a living. "What order do the wires go in?" It was a Ford, so my dad didn't know the firing order off the top of his head, and they spent the rest of the night trying to get it put back together correctly being that NO ONE knew the firing order on this car, or where the #1 cylinder plug went on the distributor cap etc. My dad can still change a set of plugs and wires in about 15 minutes to this day, but his cousin still can't figure out the procedure and pays someone else do it for him. Quote
bansheeryder_69 Posted November 19, 2005 Report Posted November 19, 2005 (edited) He got lucky a pothead stole the silencer off of mine and turned it into a bong :angry:BASTARDS Edited November 19, 2005 by bansheeryder_69 Quote
Spitfire Posted November 20, 2005 Report Posted November 20, 2005 My dad can still change a set of plugs and wires in about 15 minutes to this day 438986[/snapback] Well I invite your dad to come change the plugs in my Trans Am then. Quote
Cotton eyed Joe Posted November 20, 2005 Report Posted November 20, 2005 Well I invite your dad to come change the plugs in my Trans Am then. 439071[/snapback] LOL If its the latest generation model, I don't think I even know someone that can get to the rear 2 plugs. My wife had a 94 Camaro and after I looked at it, my dad looked at it, we took it to her dad that runs an engine shop. He said there was no way to get to the rear 2 plugs without pulling the motor. So we sold it with 6 new plugs and 2 factory plugs. Quote
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