Funny joke thread

[Rustbag]

Indian and the saddle

 

Life may not be the party we had hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well Dance............

 

 

 

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down.

 

An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

 

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

 

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a

"Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.

 

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final

 

"Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off.

 

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant.

"Nothing," the woman answered. "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist,

 

and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."

 

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

 

 

 

 

============================

another one...

============================

 

 

It was my first time ever

 

And I'll never forget.

I'd do it again

Without a single regret.

 

The sky was dark,

The moon was high,

We were all alone,

Just she and I.

 

Her hair was soft,

Her eyes were blue,

I knew just what

She wanted to do.

 

Her skin so soft,

Her legs so fine,

I ran my fingers

Down her spine.

 

I didn't know how,

But I tried my best.

I started by placing

My hands on her breast.

 

I remember my fear,.

My fast beating heart

But slowly she spread

Her legs apart.

 

And when I did it

I felt no shame...

All of a sudden,

the white stuff came!

 

At last it's finished,

It's all over now.

My first time ever

At milking a cow...

[MYquadsFaster]

how do you know your at a gay picnic?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the hotdogs taste like shit....

[trueraiderfan]

Guy's those are great :yelrotflmao:

[Rustbag]

A mother was working in the kitchen listening

to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric

train in the living room. She heard the train stop

and her son saying, "All of you sons of Cheryl D. Johnsonbitches who

want off, get the hell off now...cause this is the

last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are

getting on, get your asses in the train...cause

we're going down the tracks."

 

The horrified mother went in and told her son,

"We don't use that kind of language in this house.

Now I want you to go to your room and you are to

stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may

play with your train...but I want you to use nice language."

 

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and

resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped

and the mother heard her son say...

 

"All passengers, please remember your things,

thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We

hope you will ride with us again soon."

 

She heard her little darling continue..."For

those of you just boarding, remember, there is no

smoking in the train. We hope you will have a

pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

 

As the mother began to smile, the child added,

"For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO

HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen...."

[munkenaround]

My sister told me that I screw like dad but I knew this cuz mom already told me.

[Rustbag]

MATH SECTION OF LEAP TEST FOR CHOCOLATE CITY SCHOOLS

 

CITY OF NEW ORLEANS

 

CHOCOLATE HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM:

 

NAME____________________

 

GANG/CREW NAME______________ CRIB _________________

 

WHO YO DADDY BE? _________________________

 

1. Ramone has an AK-47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out

of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How

 

many drive-by shootings can Ramone attempt before he has to reload?

 

2. Otis has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320

and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the

rest of his hold?

 

3. Rufus pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per

 

day must each ho turn to support Rufus's $800 per day crack habit?

 

4. Darius wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to

make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to obtain

 

the 20% profit?

 

5. Tyrone gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette,

and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes, and 3 4x4's, how

many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?

 

6. Leroy got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his

common-law bitch spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much

money will be left when he gets out?

 

7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the

average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed on

 

the school wall with 3 eight-ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint

left over?

 

8. Toby knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang.

What is the exact percentage of girls Toby knocked up?

 

9. LaSheena is a lookout for the gang. LaSheena also has a Boa

Constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If

 

LaSheena makes $700 week as a lookout, how many weeks can she

 

feed the Boa on one week's income?

 

10. Marvin steals Joe's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15

mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his

 

piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked in the back?

[Animalman294]

:yelrotflmao: :yelrotflmao: :yelrotflmao:

 

These are great...................Keep 'em comin' :beer:

[trueraiderfan]

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are

the only creatures that stutter", she says. A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

 

"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!" "That must've been scary", said the teacher.

"It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff,Fffff, Fffff'...and before he could say 'Fvck,' the Rottweiler ate him!"

[rtg_61184]

a guys hangin out with his buddy and he tells him his elbows been hurting like a motherfucker. his friend tells him about this new machine at wal-mart. you just pee in a cup put the cup in and 10.00$ and it will tell you whats wrong. yeah right he thinks bullshit. so the next time hes at wal-mart he see's this thing and figures what the hell pees in a cup puts it in the machine and puts in ten bucks. a paper spits out and says you have tennis elbow, ice it three times a day for two weeks and you should be fine. he's just amazed and thinks how good is this thing, so he goes home gets some of his wifes and daughters urine, a piece of his labs shit, and for good measure jacks of in it. goes back to walmart shakes the cup real good and puts it in as well as ten bucks. the machine is actually doing something so he waits, like 15 mins later it spits out a paper, your wife is pregnant its not yours, get a good lawyer, your daughters not a virgin, your lab has ring worm, and if you dont stop jakin off youll never get rid of that tennis elbow.

[Rustbag]

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said "I was cleaning the Father's

room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic

magazines"

 

"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.

 

"Well, of course I threw them in the trash"

 

The second nun said, " Well, I can top that. I was in Fathers room putting

away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms"

 

"Oh my" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.

 

"I poked holes in all of them" she replied.

 

The third nun said, "Oh shit."

[Animalman294]

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.

 

Then I caught her spending:

 

$65.00 on make-up,

 

$150 for a cut & color,

 

$30 for a manicure,

 

$40 for a pedicure,

 

$50 on vitamins,

 

$300 on clothes

 

and $600 for a gym membership.

 

I asked how come I had to give up stuff and not her. She said she

 

needed it to look pretty for me.

 

I told her that was what the beer was for.

 

I don't think she's coming back.

[pipebomb]

In the interest of time I'll just link to the thread.(approx 13 pages)

 

http://www.xcbob.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=240

[nomad]

Why are black guys eyes always red after sex....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mace!

[nomad]

A guy with no arms walks into the bathroom to take a piss.

 

He looks around and asks the gentleman next to him for a little help.

 

"I have no arms and really need to go, can you help me"?

 

The gentleman says that he isn't gay, but he can understand the guys dilemma.

 

After a little contemplation, and some compassion for the armless guys situation, he agrees.

 

He reaches down, unzips the guys pants and pulls out his dog.

 

The gentleman screams, "Oh shit, what's wrong with your johnson"? It's green and lumpy with puss dripping outta the head".

 

The armless guy says that he doesn't know, but thanks him for his help.

 

After finishing up the armless guy asks him to zip his pants up.

 

Reluctantly, the gentleman helps the guy out again.

 

The gentleman said, "you should really get that looked at because it's the worst pecker I've ever seen".

 

 

While pulling his arms out from inside his jacket the 'armless' guy replies, "I know but I'm not touching that thing"!

Edited August 31, 2006 by nomad

[Animalman294]

:yelrotflmao:

 

Thats Fu@!ed up.................