grounded Posted July 19, 2005 Report Share Posted July 19, 2005 I guess after 3 years my gilfriend is going to move in at the end of the month. Shes great, we get along , dont' argue you know. I'm a little nervous though because her 15 year old is moving in too. He is a good kid, not so great in school. His father has pretty much left his mother to raise him , but only recently communicated with him. I'm a little worried about how problems will be handled, anyone with experience here, your comments are appreciated. I really hope it works out , but this is a big adjustment for me, and for them I'm sure. I guess this is an opportunity for me to give the kid a little more than his dad did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stclark816 Posted July 19, 2005 Report Share Posted July 19, 2005 Dont take this wrong... I have no experience with having to be a father to a son that isnt mine, but at his age (15) hes not gonna wanna listen to a guy that isnt his dad. I just know that's how I was at 15. Im not saying that ur gonna boss him around or whatever by any means. Im just saying, be careful how you handle things. Sometimes acting too much of a father figure when you arent the real father can back fire real quick. Best of luck to you though, sounds like she's the right gal for ya! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MudSlinger09 Posted July 19, 2005 Report Share Posted July 19, 2005 ok im gonna tell u this myself, im bout that age ... pretty much just get to know him , take him out show him the banshee and win him over ,and get to know him too ... then u can be stern and he might listen to ya , or just pull a major payne on his ass and tell him to " gimme 20 boy!" everytime he fucks up ...but idk i kinda listen to all adults except the gay guy at blockbuster... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grounded Posted July 19, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2005 I'm not one to be a father figure trust me. Thats his fathers job, and I won't take that from him. I grew up with a step dad so I know exactly what you guys are saying. It definatly was'nt easy, thats why I'm a little worried. I ve taken him to the dunes a few times, got another quad for him and the old lady, he definatly likes that, and is turning out to be a hell of a rider, we get along pretty good actually but I know how fast shit changes when people move in . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
biggun6ss Posted July 19, 2005 Report Share Posted July 19, 2005 Same thing happened to me but I was the ,well ,16 year old. My stepdad is cool. At first I didn't want to like him cause i figured he would be just like my real dad. But we got along real well. Don't pressure him into doing things with you at all. If he says nah, say ok cya. Push him to much you will push him away causing problems between you and the girl. My stepdad drag races at a local track. He asked me to go a couple times but I didn't really care to. Then I went and I had a blast. He showed me around, we BS'd with his friends. Now I have a drag car and actually beat him in points at the track last year. I think the most important thing is treat him more like a friend than a son. He is 15 and already has a mind of his own, he can't be molded into a little you. If he likes other things don't pretend that you like them, he will know. When I say treat him more like a friend, I mean like someone you meet at the dunes. You talk a little, then start hanging out, then become really good buds. But he also has to know that you are the man of the house. Also, if he tells his mom something, don't ask what are you two talking about. It's between him and his mom. If he wants you to know he'll tell ya. Just take it slow and don't expect alot. Maybe he will be a new kind of 15 year old that listens to his elders and respects authority I am 23 now and I still hang with my stepdad. Anyway good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rptorman Posted July 20, 2005 Report Share Posted July 20, 2005 (edited) biggun's got it right. Nailed it on the head. If he thinks you are trying to take his dads place he won't like you. I am going through this myself right now except with two girls. The oldest is 20 and has a daughter. I am known as Grandpa. It was so cool, she gave me a fathers day card that basically said thanks for being a great dad. It meant more to me than she will ever know. The youngest is 12 and is a real doll. She was kind of iffy with me at first until I let her know that I wasn't there to take her dads place. I told her I loved her mother and just wanted to be her friend. We do a lot together. We give our I love yous to each other and she even slips and calls me dad once in a while. It's great! Remember, don't push it, let mom be her boss for a while unless things get way out of hand. Kids are awsome, I don't know what I would do without them. I also have three boys from a previous marriage. Edited July 20, 2005 by rptorman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
decon Posted July 20, 2005 Report Share Posted July 20, 2005 be more of a friend to him, dont try to take the role as his real dad, that can never be done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grounded Posted July 20, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2005 thanks alot guys, I feel a lot better about this , thanks for the replies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fixitrod Posted July 20, 2005 Report Share Posted July 20, 2005 be more of a friend to him, dont try to take the role as his real dad, that can never be done. 394817[/snapback] Exactly. A friend is moving in.... not a son. You will never be his dad so don't try to be. Just be the coolest friend he has. Then, he'll spend more time with you and your girlfriend and what do you know, you've been a dad and kept him off the streets. When a kid is happy they do AS GOOD AS THEY CAN in school. It just works that way. Be his best friend... not his dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superchicken Posted July 20, 2005 Report Share Posted July 20, 2005 Exactly. A friend is moving in.... not a son. You will never be his dad so don't try to be. Just be the coolest friend he has. Then, he'll spend more time with you and your girlfriend and what do you know, you've been a dad and kept him off the streets. When a kid is happy they do AS GOOD AS THEY CAN in school. It just works that way. Be his best friend... not his dad. 394897[/snapback] i agree 100% with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellison445 Posted July 20, 2005 Report Share Posted July 20, 2005 Word Exactly. A friend is moving in.... not a son. You will never be his dad so don't try to be. Just be the coolest friend he has. Then, he'll spend more time with you and your girlfriend and what do you know, you've been a dad and kept him off the streets. When a kid is happy they do AS GOOD AS THEY CAN in school. It just works that way. Be his best friend... not his dad. 394897[/snapback] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
03LE Posted July 20, 2005 Report Share Posted July 20, 2005 Exactly. A friend is moving in.... not a son. You will never be his dad so don't try to be. Just be the coolest friend he has. Then, he'll spend more time with you and your girlfriend and what do you know, you've been a dad and kept him off the streets. When a kid is happy they do AS GOOD AS THEY CAN in school. It just works that way. Be his best friend... not his dad. 394897[/snapback] Right on, I'm a step kid too. I will tell ya me and my step father didn't get along when I was goin thru my teens. But now lookin back, I know he was doing what was best for me. I don't call him dad, but he might as well be my dad. He raised me to be the person I am today and I tell him thanks every chance I get. I know he will be the guy that walks in behind me at my wedding and my kids will call him grandpa. (ok papa, cause thats what my neice and nephew call him) If your serious about this girl and your life together remember what I said, it maybe ruff goings right now and in the next couple years, but you too will hear thank you from him when he gets older. I promise. Gluck bro. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crbanshee Posted July 22, 2005 Report Share Posted July 22, 2005 ok as a former step dad i learned that trying to take the dad role will only make the kids resent you more than anything..for my situation i just tryed to be more of a friend and let them know i was cool with them.dont try to step in with the dad role in mind but the mind set of this is a kid that needs a role model and someone to look to for the answers that the real dad cant or wont provide..i found that if you get down to a step kids level and take interest in their interests they open up alot more than if you just try to play dad..try to get the kid involved in your banshee every chance you get..let him turn some wrenches and take him on a few rides..soon the kid will look up to you and you will gain the respect and the kid will start to come to you for advice and guidance..and that will make the relationship with the kids mam all that much better as well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest blew duece Posted July 22, 2005 Report Share Posted July 22, 2005 id shoot for being his dad.......speaclly if your fuckin his mom...he needs a man to tell him hes fucking up or doing good.........sounds like the first guy his mom spread her legs for was a fucking looser...you guys are moving in together?....i hope your married........ otherwise you just told the little prick its cool to shack up with some chick and try to raise her kids....if mom had any balls shed wait till he was raised to start introducing him to guys she's fucking........just my 2 cents Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PassionRE Posted July 22, 2005 Report Share Posted July 22, 2005 Ive been a step-dad for 17 years and I would have done alot of things different if I could do it over again. You need to talk to your girl in advance. Its better if you act more like a friend than a dad or you'll just be percieved as a dick. Only real dads can get away with that without paying the price. Let your girl know that you want to be his friend and your not trying to replace his dad(you never could anyway regardless of what a loser he might be because the kid still thinks he's a God). Also tell her that youll cut some slack on the kid, but you must have her solemn word that the kid doesnt over-ride your authority.....ever..otherwise youll be in damn sorry you chose this road in life if she doesnt back you up....Jim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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