XTShee Posted April 29, 2004 Report Share Posted April 29, 2004 Q: What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. Q: What's a mixed feeling? A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. Q: What's the height of conceit? A: Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. Q: What's the definition of macho? A: Jogging home from your vasectomy. Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball. Q: Why is divorce so expensive? A: Because it's worth it. Q: What is a Yankee? A: The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. Q: What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common? A: They both like a tight seal. Q: What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? A: Their balls are just for decoration. Q: What's the difference between purple and pink? A: The grip. Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? A: It's not hard. Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A: Kick his sister in the jaw. Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 pounds. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes. Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? A: The swallow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sredish Posted April 29, 2004 Author Report Share Posted April 29, 2004 Funny shit XTShee. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ducman Posted April 29, 2004 Report Share Posted April 29, 2004 OMG! Led! those tard picks are soooo politically incorrect! And running them down with the rail! Ur Fuckin killing me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ducman Posted April 29, 2004 Report Share Posted April 29, 2004 How do you know when your wife has died. Sex is the same but the dishes start stacking up! How do you know when Husband is dead. Sex is the same but now you got controll of the remote! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dune Ratt Posted April 30, 2004 Report Share Posted April 30, 2004 How do you turn your dish washer into a snow plow Give the Bitch a shovel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white trash Posted April 30, 2004 Report Share Posted April 30, 2004 ok a little long so bare with me...............There is a man whom is goin on vacation and really really needs a beer. Upon driving through a very small town he notices a bar, so he parks the car and heads in for a beer. No more than 2 steps in to this place and he can tell its a gay bar, rainbows everywhere, Village people cover band on stage. But he figures what the hell and goes up to the bar. He calls the bartender over and ask's for a beer. The bartender tells him that he cant give him a drink unless he tells him the name of his penis and the slogan to go along with it. The man confused ask why. the tender replies, "i dont know why its just the rules... For example i call mine milk, It does a body good." So the bartender walks away and gives him a minute to think. The man ask the gentelman next to him . "excuse me sir what do you call yours?" The man next to him says "snickers.. why wait" The man still confused ask the guy on the other side of him, "Sir what do you call yours?" The guy replies by saying "total like the cereal takes ten of the other kind to match what ive got" A few minutes later the bartender walks back up and said "well you come up with anything?" The man says "yes its secret" The bartender says "well i still cant give you a drink secret or not you have to tell me if you want something" The man says to the bartender " no you dont uncerstand, secret is the name of it, strong enough for a man yet made for a woman! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugar Magic Posted April 30, 2004 Report Share Posted April 30, 2004 (edited) BWUAHAHAhahaha! lmfao! Good one White Trash Shee Rider Edited April 30, 2004 by Sugar Magic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugar Magic Posted April 30, 2004 Report Share Posted April 30, 2004 ok, I guess I throw one out.. Beware! It's nasty. This man has been walking through the desert for days and days without anything but the clothes on his back, which of course are ripped, torn and faded from walking in the desert for so long. He's literally dieing from lack of nutrition; no water, food, nothing. Eventually he comes across a desolate old town and see's a bar. Barely able to walk, he crawls in to the bar and is gasping for a drink. "waahterr.. wahterr" pleads the man. A somewhat amused but hardley sypathetic bartender takes one look at the man and states, "Glass of water: five dollars!" Astonished at this, the man begins to cry, "I'll do anything, I don't want to die. Please, anything!" The bartender thinks about this for a minute and decides, "I will give you as much water as you want, if youuu.. drink from that spitoon" said the bartender, as he pointed to the spitoon in the corner. The man hesitantly crawls over to the spitoon and lifts it to his lips. Thinking of his death, he immediately begins to drink, and drink.. and drink.. and drink until the spitoon is turned upside down over his head and empty. The bartender burst out laighing, "OH MAN! I can't believe you did that! You didn't have to drink the whole damn thing!" "I didn't have a choice," the man replied, "it was all one string." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toomey Banshee Posted April 30, 2004 Report Share Posted April 30, 2004 That was very, very disgusting Sugar. I feel a little like I'm gonna, uh, uh, . Pretty funny though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ledofthezep Posted April 30, 2004 Report Share Posted April 30, 2004 (edited) You wanna get sick eyh?! --- theres a little girl who goes in the shower with her mom, her mom says whatever you do don't look up so she looks up and says "mommy what are those?" her mom replies "well hunny those are my tits''. The girl replies "I can't wait until I get mine!" So the next day she goes in the shower with her dad her dad says don't look up so she does and says "daddy whats that?" He replies "Well thats my cock" She says "well when am i gonna get one of those?" The dad then says "In about 15 minutes when your mother leaves". --- ---- A young man in the 7th grade comes home from school one day very excited and eager to tell his dad how his day went. He goes up to his dad and says, " guess what happened today?" The dad replies, " I don't know, what?" The kid says," I had sex with my teacher!" The father not knowing what to say is quiet for a moment. Then says, " That's great son but you're a little to young to be having sex but you are now a man and I'm very proud of you. We have to go out and celebrate. I'm going to take you to the finnest restaurant in town and buy you a new bike." The kid says, " That sound great dad but can we hold off on the bike, my butt's still sore." ---- Edited April 30, 2004 by ledofthezep Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toomey Banshee Posted April 30, 2004 Report Share Posted April 30, 2004 Pretty fun stuff Led. The first one with the kid in the shower was just plain wrong. Still funny though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sredish Posted April 30, 2004 Author Report Share Posted April 30, 2004 --- theres a little girl who goes in the shower with her mom, her mom says whatever you do don't look up so she looks up and says "mommy what are those?" her mom replies "well hunny those are my tits''. The girl replies "I can't wait until I get mine!" So the next day she goes in the shower with her dad her dad says don't look up so she does and says "daddy whats that?" He replies "Well thats my cock" She says "well when am i gonna get one of those?" The dad then says "In about 15 minutes when your mother leaves". That's funny shit right there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalegoldston Posted April 30, 2004 Report Share Posted April 30, 2004 A 80 year old newly wed couple are going to bed together for the first time. The woman says. "Dear I have to warn you I have acute angina" The man replies"I sure hope so those saggy tits aint doing me any good" And with that its Beer Thirty. Every one have a good weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bignasty1 Posted April 30, 2004 Report Share Posted April 30, 2004 what do hockey players and courtney love have in comon? they both change their pads every 3 periods. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timmy301 Posted April 30, 2004 Report Share Posted April 30, 2004 I would have to say that "ledofthezep" gets a A+++ fer the jokes and the pics!!! Dude, I think you better go to church on Sunday!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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