No, not tonight

[dave95.1]

No sex tonight? I never quite figured out why the sexual

urges of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole

Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with

their head and women with their heart.

 

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were

getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually

says " I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!!

What was that ?!"

 

So she says the words that every man on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough

for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my

puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I

do for you in the bedroom?"

 

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, we

went to sleep.

 

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time

with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,

big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried

on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which

one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all.

 

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said

lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department

where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so

excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

 

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a

tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think

threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey. "She was almost nearing

sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

 

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think

this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I

blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went

completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!"

 

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this

stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man

enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just

when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why

can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy

you?"

 

Apparently I won't be having sex tonight either.

[bansheefreestyler]

[The Rebel]

such a tease...............

 

[locogato11283]

haha thats good..

[sp1tekiller]

heard it before but it is awesome.

[Motoman991]

I have heard that before too but its still funny

[STLBILL]

It seems like there should be a referee in this game. I mean before the divorce.

[smallfry]

From a real chick's perspective....Some of us are not like that... You guys are obviously hanging out with the wrong kind of chicks!!! Yeah, us not so high maintenance girls like shopping, but not quite as much as riding quads, jet-ski's or hanging out at the drag strip!!!

[Blue Duece]

see now thats why on day one you f**k her in the ass and pull her hair while your doing it........shed so be so f**king in touch with her needs your, phone would be ringing of the hook