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Posted

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!”

 

The husband said, “Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?”

 

“Doesn't matter,” she said. “Just get out.”

Posted

Okay, okay. Here's another one.

 

MY DOGS

 

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare.

 

The lady said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare."

 

So I explained to her that my dogs are: unemployed, lazy, can't speak English, and have no frigging clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, to provide them with housing, and medical care.

 

So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify.

 

My dogs get their first checks Friday.

 

Dang, this is a great country!!!

  • 4 weeks later...
Posted

Just posting here becasue I needed one more to be at 1,000

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