Check this out!

[Hilarious]

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

 

[Dinner]

lol thats a good one

[sp1tekiller]

MURPHY goes into the confessional and says to his priest....

 

 

"I had an affair with a woman. . . almost."

 

 

The priest says, "What do you mean, almost?"

 

 

MURPHY says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped"

 

 

The priest says, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say 5 Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."

 

 

 

MURPHY leaves the confessional, says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave.

 

 

The priest, who was watching, quickly runs over to him saying, "MURPHY!!! I saw that you didn't put any money in the poor box!"

 

 

" MURPHY replies, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, .........that's the same as putting it in

[Dinner]

nice one

[The Rebel]

dat's right

[CobraFromHell]

HAHA Good jokes

[98bonerSTOCKshee]

CAJUNS ENTER THE WAR!

 

The Cajuns heard that Saddam Hussein was going to help Osama bin Laden and they decided to get involved. Saddam Hussein was sitting in his bunker when his telephone rang.

 

"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Boudreaux down at the Fred's lounge in Mamou, Looziannah. I'm callin' to told you we be officially declarin' war on you!"

 

"Well, Boudreaux," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

 

"Rat now," said Boudreaux, (hesitating) "there is me, my cousin Thibedeaux, my nex door neighbor Justain, and the whole bunch from the bar. That makes us eight!"

 

Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Boudreaux, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

 

"Hmmm..." said Boudreaux. "I gots to call you back later!" Sure enough, the next day, Boudreaux called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We got us some war equipment!"

 

"And what equipment would that be, Boudreaux?" Saddam asked.

 

"Well, we got us two combines, a dozer, and a farm tractor."

 

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Boudreaux, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers."

 

"Hmmmm..." said Boudreaux. "I gots to get back to you later." Sure enough, Boudreaux rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, da war still be on! We got ourselves some airborne! We've took Marcell's utra-light glider an we put us shotgun in the cockpit, and Hebert gots out of jail today and he is gonna join our army too!"

 

Saddam cleared his throat. "I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, my army has increased to TWO MILLION!"

 

"Hmmm...", said Boudreaux, "I gots ta call you back later." Sure enough, Boudreaux calls again the next day. "Bon jour, Sad-damn! You is lucky--we is callin' off dis war."

 

"Oh, really?" said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

 

"Well," said Boudreaux, "we all had a long talk at the bar and Sheriff Broussard he say no way he's gonna feed no two million prisoners!!"

[rockgc9]

Good jokes....