The Rebel Posted July 9, 2005 Report Posted July 9, 2005 Andy Rooney on Monica. >Can you believe it? Monica turned 28 this week. >It seems like only yesterday that she was crawling round the White >House on >her hands and knees. > >2. Andy Rooney on Vegetarians. >Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter." > >3. Andy Rooney on Prisoners. >Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house >each >prisoner? Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks apiece I'll take a few >prisoners >into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the >windows. I >don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think >they >should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate >electricity. And, if they don't want to run, they can rest in the >chair >that's hooked up to the generator. > >4. Andy Rooney on Fabric Softeners. >My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. >Then I >noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their >breath, >"Married!" and walking away. Fabric softeners are how our wives mark >their >territory. We can take off the ring. But, it's hard to get that >April Fresh >scent out of your clothes. > >5. Andy Rooney on morning differences. >Men and women are different in the morning. We men wake up aroused >in the >morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the >women >are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" >It's >because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic >nerve. > >6.Andy Rooney on cripes >My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. >They use >words like 'Cripes' 'For Cripes sake.' Who would that be; Jesus >Cripes? The >son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of >it. You >think I wanna burn in 'Heck'? > >7. Rooney on Grandma >My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car >that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen.' You don't want to think of your >grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes >you >wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday. > >8. Rooney on answering machines. >Did you ever hear one of these corny positive messages on someone's >answering machine? "Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it >right now. >I hope you are too. The thought for the day is: "Share the love." >BEEP >"Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling....Speaking of being >positive, >your test results are back. Stop sharing the love.." > Quote
frocashmoney24 Posted July 9, 2005 Report Posted July 9, 2005 andy roony is one funny mother fucker, ive seen most of thsoe when they were on tv, best part of 60 minutes. Quote
Brian060 Posted July 9, 2005 Report Posted July 9, 2005 Who the hell is rooney Whatever... it was funny Quote
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.