I thought this was funny...

[PolyKarbon]

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident:

 

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution or action taken by the engineers.)

 

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.

 

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

 

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

[The Rebel]

[bansheefreestyler]

haha that was great

[Cotton eyed Joe]

I thought Qantas Airlines was not only the safest airlines to fly on, but had one of the best flight records in the world.... Maybe I'm thinking of someone else.

[Kayleigh]

that had me laughing out loud! is that for real?? too funny!!

[tithead]

 

my bro and i were laughing like f*ck at the last one!

[super88_banshee]

Have these been on here b4?? Still funny as hell thou!

[bansheeman1974]

[[email protected]]

 

the dme one is funny , im currently achieving my ppl almost done with the amount of hours then its to ground school but im lackin some funds, but whats nice is the hours or anything never dissapear ( thank god for my log book ) .........

[bigwill]

What ever works-God bless communication

[CombatTalon2]

Im an Aircraft maintainer in the USAF and you would be surprised as to some of the shit pilots write up. Those are pretty good though. another good one for maintainers is the classic:

 

Replaced control stick actuator---always good when the pilots write stupid shit up in the aircraft forms.