Rustbag Posted April 25, 2007 Report Share Posted April 25, 2007 What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 10 years and 45 lbs What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife Why do Muslim Terrorists crave to have virgins? They are tired of being laughed at ! Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia? Everyone has the same DNA. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes. Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong". What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe". How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ... A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.... Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
locogato11283 Posted April 30, 2007 Report Share Posted April 30, 2007 haha that shits funny.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theshee Posted May 3, 2007 Report Share Posted May 3, 2007 ROFL... those are pretty good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fastrthnu Posted May 5, 2007 Report Share Posted May 5, 2007 :yelrotflmao: :yelrotflmao: :yelrotflmao: :yelrotflmao: Whats the reason most men like theirs jobs more than their wifes? because after all these years, your job still sucks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirtworxboy Posted November 25, 2016 Report Share Posted November 25, 2016 Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. If i had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive. Life is like toilet paper, you're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole. My wife had her driver's test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear. Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number? When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you. Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen. Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers. What's the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera. Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y? How did I escape Iraq? Iran. I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction. I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off. I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind. Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball. I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game. I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjdgriff Posted November 25, 2016 Report Share Posted November 25, 2016 What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fastbanshee8 Posted November 27, 2016 Report Share Posted November 27, 2016 Buckwheat and Darla were in school and the teacher asked Darla, 'How do you spell 'dumb'?"Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb."The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."She responds, "Buckwheat is dumb.""Now spell 'stupid'."Darla says, "s-t-u-p-i-d."The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid."Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and asks, "Buckwheat, spell dictate."Buckwheat stands up and says, otay, "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in the a sentence." "I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheerider11 Posted November 27, 2016 Report Share Posted November 27, 2016 Buckwheat and Darla were in school and the teacher asked Darla, 'How do you spell 'dumb'?" Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb." The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence." She responds, "Buckwheat is dumb." "Now spell 'stupid'." Darla says, "s-t-u-p-i-d." The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence." Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid." Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and asks, "Buckwheat, spell dictate." Buckwheat stands up and says, otay, "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate." The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in the a sentence." "I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!" Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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